Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
time to smoke my breakfast
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
