He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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