sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
