The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
