oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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