I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
don't judge my taste in strippers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
