Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
