If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
