Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
