Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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