This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize