I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
