god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
