Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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