Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
