yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
