M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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