I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
