Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
