Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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