Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
