one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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