Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
