Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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