return my video game
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
