oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
