i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
