Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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