Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
