I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
