im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
