if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
