Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
