My room smells like vodka and shame
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
