god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
