He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
