??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
