so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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