i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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