If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
