i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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