god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
