how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
