I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
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It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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