We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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