There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
