I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
