how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
