can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
