Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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