My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize