You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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