I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
