i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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