Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
