So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
