things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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