I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
