We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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